She often thought that love was a mere distraction. It was a dark trap covered with lovely petals, attracting potential victims to indulge their curiosities, only to have them falling into deep uncertainties. Its divine masquerade often caused one’s conscience to dive right in, only to hit rock bottom. She did not understand why anyone would go through such a fall. She cursed it and loathed it with such bitterness as it devoured countless victims. The idea of falling rarely crossed her mind. She did not intend to pursue it. She thought distance would save her but with every step forward she was dragged two steps back. Without realising, she found herself stumbling into the dark abyss; the last ropes of reality wrenched her hands free and she fell for you.
She could not recall the precise moment she started falling. She wondered how such a significant event could pass by unrecorded in her memory. She came to realise that she fairly frequently thought of you. Your laughter, your eyes, yourraging enthusiasm, your every glance, your every detail, became comforts in her mind. As soon as her eyes fluttered open each morning, she would be eager for the day, hoping that your path would somehow cross and linger. Your presence alone could spread a smile on her face. You were one of the reasons why she would prickle with impatience to walk out her door and brace the storm of faces just to see your one smile. You were the highlight of hers everyday.
She would always contemplate on what to say or what she could do for you, but when you were right there, her mind drew a blank. She found it difficult to articulate as soon as she saw you. Constantly, she had to remind herself to breathe and think of conversation starters which however, sounded banal in her head. She could not even hold a gaze as she feared that her admiration for you would shine through her eyes. It was painful not being able to do a single thing despite you being beside her. It was worst when you were not there. Your absence reduced even her pointless existence to further vacuity. It was an endless longing she could not quench.
She did not think that the fall would feel like this. It was both sombre and splendid. It was a unique feeling where she knew the love could never be returned, and yet that did not matter. She cared for you to the point where she wished for you more than for herself. She saw you almost every day, but you didn’t see her. She fell hard into the trap that never seemed to end. She was still falling.
I wrote this 2 years ago when i was head over heels for a person. She was perfect, she still is. But somethings we dont get and we just have to deal with it – whether or not we continue falling or catch hold of that rope of reality again.