We are so similar. Reading each other, analysing every single thing even if they mean just what they mean on the very surface. I guess we never believed things could only live on the surface. Things are like icebergs. So much underneath the water. All hidden.
Has that been our game all along? Seeing who gets unveiled the most?
Maybe thats how we got so tangled in each other. We saw conundrums and lost ourselves in them. We got lost and you got careless and now we are here. To be honest, I think I managed to wander out of yours and into my own dense riddles. But being lost is all the same, isn’t it? I managed to find answers along the way. Answers that altered the letters in my words. Answers that plucked metaphors from the air and lost themselves in paragraphs – paragraphs like these. Answers that led to more questions and more uncertainty.
Are we still playing? Tell me, what do you see?
There is something absolutely calming in standing in a glass box with sound-proof, transparent walls.
Its amazing because I’m standing inside and I am seeing how busy the streets are.
I cant hear them.
I can only imagine the sound of engines and car horns and the commotion of people.
But the stillness is so deafening, I think i forgot how.
It was, at that moment, the most beautiful thing for me because despite all the chaos, there is this calmness, this bigger peace that is overlooking it. I am overlooking it. This quiet box, overlooking the city.
I just feel that more often than not, my head seems to be in the inverse. That there is calmness outside of me and everything inside is burning and screaming. You can only imagine the serenity for me to see that for once, my head was empty. Like I could push everything out and they all obliged in silence.
Sometimes I feel stuck in this oblivion.
The oblivion that goes beyond the bleak darkness-
A black sail that gets swallowed by the sea.
If you listen to the waves crashing, closely,
You’ll only hear a constant, quiet, plea.
Quiet, yet they scream:
Pull me into the light that dances,
Show me happiness through its beams.
Invade this blankness with Helios and his sun chariot,
Burn me with ecstasy across my skin.
She often thought that love was a mere distraction. It was a dark trap covered with lovely petals, attracting potential victims to indulge their curiosities, only to have them falling into deep uncertainties. Its divine masquerade often caused one’s conscience to dive right in, only to hit rock bottom. She did not understand why anyone would go through such a fall. She cursed it and loathed it with such bitterness as it devoured countless victims. The idea of falling rarely crossed her mind. She did not intend to pursue it. She thought distance would save her but with every step forward she was dragged two steps back. Without realising, she found herself stumbling into the dark abyss; the last ropes of reality wrenched her hands free and she fell for you.
She could not recall the precise moment she started falling. She wondered how such a significant event could pass by unrecorded in her memory. She came to realise that she fairly frequently thought of you. Your laughter, your eyes, yourraging enthusiasm, your every glance, your every detail, became comforts in her mind. As soon as her eyes fluttered open each morning, she would be eager for the day, hoping that your path would somehow cross and linger. Your presence alone could spread a smile on her face. You were one of the reasons why she would prickle with impatience to walk out her door and brace the storm of faces just to see your one smile. You were the highlight of hers everyday.
She would always contemplate on what to say or what she could do for you, but when you were right there, her mind drew a blank. She found it difficult to articulate as soon as she saw you. Constantly, she had to remind herself to breathe and think of conversation starters which however, sounded banal in her head. She could not even hold a gaze as she feared that her admiration for you would shine through her eyes. It was painful not being able to do a single thing despite you being beside her. It was worst when you were not there. Your absence reduced even her pointless existence to further vacuity. It was an endless longing she could not quench.
She did not think that the fall would feel like this. It was both sombre and splendid. It was a unique feeling where she knew the love could never be returned, and yet that did not matter. She cared for you to the point where she wished for you more than for herself. She saw you almost every day, but you didn’t see her. She fell hard into the trap that never seemed to end. She was still falling.
I wrote this 2 years ago when i was head over heels for a person. She was perfect, she still is. But somethings we dont get and we just have to deal with it – whether or not we continue falling or catch hold of that rope of reality again.
In all honesty, words have failed me. Every word ive ever written – where do they go, are they even still holding their significance? The truth is words lose meaning unless you’re shakespeare or ee cummings or earnest hemingway. They have failed in promising to put across the message that I felt every single word and that every syllable still resonates till today. Where the heck have my words led me. Sure, fall in love with my words, fall in love with the short-lived breath it holds, fall in love with my narratives and my subtle text. Can you fall in love with the dead weight of it too? Can you keep believing in words that dont move you even a bit. That it’s still breathing for someone else – for me. Where do i end up in this. If words lose meaning. Dont i lose meaning too?
Why do we stop doing what we love
Just to progress in society?
How does our heads get so shaped and enslaved so easily-
When is it that other people’s thoughts
hold higher priority than what helps us breathe?