I boarded the train and I saw someone who looked just like you.
I had to stare and confirm that she was a little shorter, and less tanned. It wasnt you.
It didnt strike anything in me, that chapter is long gone. But the way she glanced was just like how you glanced. Her eyes were exactly the same. And for that train journey home, I was numb. You were a significant part of my last two years. But it’s really nothing. I am better now. I am happier. I dont go through that much pain like I did for you.
We always say how time is a bitch. But distance is too. Distance’s just sneakier.
At least with the constant progression of time, the loss and inconvenience of it is somehow always expected at the back of our heads. We know when time decides to be bitchy. We know at that particular moment that maybe if the timing was just a little different, things could be better.
Distance knows how to hide. Nearness knows the art of disguise. So near yet so far, we say. The best part of distance is that we could be completely unaware of its occurrence. How many times could you have been on the same train with that one person youre aching to see and didnt know of it. We dont know.
Study in the busy city.
Sit down, be in the contradiction. Soak it in. Fuel it.
I’m not sure why i find comfort in the white noise, in seeing busy people rush somewhere, in seeing families strolling slowly. Wait for the management to chase you out only to find yourself in another coffee place and appreciate a new scenery with all of the same elements. I guess it brings me comfort to see that there is life. That there are people who arent me, figuring out the chemistry, debating with myself over GP. It reminds me that more often, the white noise is me.
The recalling of attachment, once in awhile, can be nice.
Walked into my temporary homeroom today and it smelled.. just like 4e3. Which is weird but it was a big deal since i’ve stayed back everyday in sec 4 in that classroom. Sec 4 was one of my best years and for a moment, it was really nostalgic. I miss the teachers who knew i was there and always checked in on me. I miss that classroom and all the fun things we did in it.