“You walked past me today,” she breathed. “You didn’t stop to look. Not even a glimpse.”
He looked at her then, easier this time. There was a lightness in him that wasn’t there before. “I guess I’m not looking for you anymore,” he said, almost smiling. Almost because he didn’t want to seem too smug about it.
She stepped towards him, forming the words she wasn’t familiar with. “You actually love her.” The words were there, neither question nor statement.
“Yes.” He nodded slowly, he couldnt stop his lips from curling this time. How could he? He finally found some bit of happiness to put in his archives. She saw how he closed his eyes — how it still lit the surroundings even though they were closed and far off to some secret memory of his. They were never like that. When he reopened them, she knew that they were no longer hers.
“And how do you know?” She could feel herself fading.
She noticed how he looked at his fingers and traced his thumb over each of them. “It feels different. It’s cliche, I know. But it’s so very very different. From the way I feel, to the way she traces my fingers. Sometimes I can physically feel the love around me even though she’s far away. She cares and she notices and she loves me like no one else has.” She was wrong about before — his eyes weren’t just lit, they were blazing. He was different. She knew it from the way he looked into the distance — how he longed to breathe where she was breathing. “When I’m with her, the world stops and turns at the same time. I want absolutely everything with her.”
“But how is it different from us?” She had to interrupt, she knew he’d go on and on. “From all of us? At some point I’m sure you felt that for each of us.” He had to squint at her then; her features were not as clear anymore.
Slightly guilty, he steadied himself. “Not like this. Okay, maybe there’s something missing from her. With her, I don’t feel the dread like how I felt with all of you. I was always counting down to the days where I knew would mark the end. There was always that feeling y’know? How it would never work. How it’s too difficult.” He paused. He figured how heavy it all sounded and yet it didn’t weighed a bit to him. He breathed and smiled again. “But I want it to work. Our futures.. it looks a lot clearer. And I know the future can change so instantly and drastically but… this time I’m going to do whatever it takes. I ain’t counting down to any sad endgame,” he said. “It’s like some sort of magic! Yeah, we miss each other and sometimes we get sad with the distance but.. somehow it turns up again. We do something silly. We call. We crack a joke. Say a simple good morning, goodnight. And I just believe again, yknow? I believe in her.”
She smiled then. She realised how much he loved her. It was visible in the spaces between each word, each sentence, each dialogue. “You write different,” she pointed out. She could feel it too, the ecstasy exuding from every inch of him. “There was always sadness with you. Even your happy ones; they still felt as if they were only clothing a hidden giant ball of despair. You were so good at writing happy sad. Oh, look at you now. All different. All in love.” The warmth was genuine now. She’d be fading with the wind any time soon. “She better be the one!” she laughed.
Heh, I know she is.
“One day, I’m going to appear in this blog.”